Where I want to be 

Where do I want to go? In life? With my body? Friendships? Jobs? Happiness? 

With my life who knows, when we’re younger we all want to be princesses and firefighters. Then we get to school and we are told we have our whole lives to sort out what we want to do as a career yet by year 10 we’ve got to make decisions on our education that effect our career choices for the rest of our lives no matter whether we are in a good mental state or bad. As for me? Now with a baby making a career seems hard but I still want try and educate myself about nutrition- let’s just see how that one plays out! 

With my body I’ve still got 15kg pregnancy weight to loose. In the photos the top one was 3 years ago, my lowest mental point- eating 200 calories a day, exercising for two hours a day. NOT HEALTHY. Yes my body looks great but I was miserable. The middle photo was when I was 36 weeks pregnant, the highest weight in my life 92kg. Happiness comes at a price, Dominic was worth every second and will continue to be. Now the third photo taken a couple of weeks ago- stomach sucked in, lighting and good lighting. I want to get back to the top photo but do it properly this time. That way I can be happy, healthy and feel like I still look good, gain the confidence to put a pair of shorts on again this summer. 

Friendships- so important. This is my time, the opportunity to re kindle some, let go of a couple and create more. Keep the people that make just as much effort as you, make you smile, support you and not knock you down. I’m so grateful for those around me, they teach me so much, all the individual stories and conversations are fascinating. Quality not quantity. Forgive but not forget. Most importantly- don’t regret. 

Love Abi xo 


Fitness with a baby 

So on the 9th February I welcomed my little bundle of joy Dominic, I never thought I would love my own child this much but I do. Now I’ll admit that the first two/three weeks were ABSOLUTE hell, would I say it’s worth it? Yes it’s taught a me a few things to say the least. But within those first few weeks I got diagnosed with post natal depression, something I never thought would happen. 

The one thing that has helped me get through all this is exercise and working out, even if it’s just going on a little walk with Dominic it’s all worth it and makes a difference (plus the walks get us out the house).   The first 6 weeks you need to let the body heal so taking him on a stroll was just about the only form of exercise I could do. After that it becomes slightly easier and you can slowly build up what you’re doing. 

Working out with a newborn can be extremely difficult though, but there are a few points that I’ve realised so I can workout and be happy and the baby can too. 

1. Put the baby under you when doing planks, so you can keep them entertained and motivate you to stay up for longer. 

2. Place the baby in front of a mirror, they’ll get distracted and easily entertain themselves. 

3. If you’re squatting or lunging or even doing calve raises use them as a weights just make sure you’re holding them properly. 

4. If you’re walking along the street with the pram (and no cars are about if you’re shy) practise those lunges again. 

My most important but favourite one is dance about the house with the baby, Dominic loves it when I do this silly move with him and it’s so entertaining watching him smile and be happy. 

The happier you are and the better you eat the happier your baby will be too. 

At pregnancy weight I was 91kg, I’m now down to 80kg and the goal is 65/70kg so let’s see how it all goes. 

Abi xox 

Sugar free diet???

Recently mum and I have been watching sugar free farm, we were fascinated by the fact people didn’t realise just how much sugar and processed food they were eating. That was until we started thinking about what we eat and buy and what has sugar in it. In the end we’ve decided to try it for two weeks and see how are health feels and test the benefits. We then went through our cupboards… 

It was worse than we thought, the amount of processed, refined and foods with added sugar we had was ridiculous, more than definitely what a daily allowance of sugar should be. My sister and step-dad are making fun of us and refusing to do it because they don’t see it as a problem, however even though it’s only been 3 days I’m already more aware of how much sugar we actually consume. 

I’ve never been one to ever agree with diets and going around preaching “count nutrients not calories” however this “diet” has been quite the eye opener and it’s not even been a week. The only way I haven’t cut out sugar completely is allowing two portions of fruit a day. Only out of preference as it’s the only bit I disagree with about this diet. 

It is however made me more aware of what I eat and what I thought about my diet being healthy turned out to not be as healthy as I thought. It shows what I need to shift in my diet and what aspects need improving. 

Updates will occur once one week is down. 

Abi x 

Not everyday needs a structure 

I’m one of those people that if their day isn’t planned to precision gets stressed and panics, it causes my anxiety to kick in and then if the day isn’t completed I usually end up crying myself to sleep. The days tend to feel incomplete without structure as I then feel like nothing has been achieved that day. 6 planners it takes me to organise my day so that I don’t get stressed, it’s obseen. 

This is not living life, it’s not enjoying the moment, yes it makes the most of the day and makes the day productive but sometimes we all need time off. We need days where you can lounge in pyjamas all day, or enjoy long walks and coffee dates with friends. Everyone needs that breather, that fresh breath of spontaneity. Plans change and they will change and sometimes you won’t get everything on your list done and that’s ok. You have other days to complete it. 

The day off will usually come unexpected when you have a fair bit planned, in my case it’s if family needs me, or I end up in the hospital from the pregnancy. Most the time that happens is because stress and worry occurs over the smallest thing. Sometimes the best days are the days you just let go and take it as it comes, accept it with an open mind and it changes everything.

Sometime that negative of everything not going to a plan turns into a positive and being something you’ll treasure as a memory for life. 

As they say “yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift which is why it is called the present”. Start living in the now and try to let go of the past. 

Abi x 

“The art of relaxing”

This year one of my many resolutions is to learn the ‘art of relaxing’ Relaxing is one of those things that I’ve always struggled to get the grips because there is always something to do- you never switch off. For me it was being in the hospital written off work for exhaustion for one week that gave me the kick up the backside I needed to learn that making time for yourself is important. Your body needs to recharge itself otherwise it will begin to self destruct, so these are the steps I’m taking (hoping if I write them on here I’ll actually do them). 

1. Stretch or practise yoga in the morning or the evening. When I was younger I used to do this daily to help me fall asleep or to wake me up before a morning run. It was so calming it’s just another thing to get back into. 

2. Once a week treat myself to a luxurious bubble bath with all the oils and bath bombs imaginable and complete it with a face mask. Ok so I’m hoping even when I’m a mother this might be possible to complete one of the two at least. They’re one of those things that make you feel good about yourself inside and out, therefore easing up and allowing you to unwind and not think about anything else. 

3. Read, read read. Whether this is the news when I get up or a chapter of a book or blog posts. Knowledge is power, this way I’m learning and relaxing at the same time. 

4. In the evenings give myself 10 minutes to look at my daily quote, along with 5 positive things about the day. Making me realise that a lot can be achieved, even if it’s the little things, to remind yourself that a little ‘you’ time doesn’t hurt. 

5. Last but not least, once baby is born, get back into my fitness pattern to release those endorphins and make me a happier, less grumpy and tired human being. 

Wish me luck 

Abi x 

The past year- pregnancy and dropping out of college… 

So it’s safe to say 2016 has been packed and busy and a lot of dramatic changes have happened all in one hit. As it’s drawing close to the end of the year and Christmas is just round the corner I thought I would speak my mind a little bit. This blog needs a little bit of uplifting and I feel like this definitely is just that too me. 

At the beginning of the year I dropped out of college and with all the judgement I got from the older generation was not pleasant however at the same time it pushes you to realise you can achieve what you want without grades on a piece of paper. College is not everyone and that needs to be taught, I’m now able to support myself and be independent. Working has made me unbelievably happy no matter how many hours I do, it’s nice to say I’ve found the balance. 

However in June, only working in my new job for 6 months, I found out one of the most life changing and terrifying things in my life, I was pregnant. My instant reaction was to go outside and have ridiculous amounts of cigarettes whilst I figure out how to tell my boyfriend and my mother. Did I even want the child? Could I live up and cope with the judgement for being so young? To keep this short and sweet lewis and I didn’t take it well and we had a massive panic, then mum was actually quite happy, cool, calm and collected. 

Now I’ve got used to the idea of being pregnant and I’m slightly happy it’s changed my life for the better by not smoking and drinking to solve my problems. The best thing is knowing that I’m being discharged from therapy in a few sessions and that’s thanks to all this. The shock has turned into something good. 

Today’s society tells me I’m too young and I’ll never be able to do this, the looks of disgust people give me in the streets. Even now I get slightly nervous about seeing people I know from college or secondary school and them noticing me being pregnant. Life is life, if people want to judge so be it, I can’t thank the people that have supported me enough through this and it’s all the excuse in the world for extra coffees and lunches out! 

At the end of the day, enjoy your life and take on everything with your head held high with pride, because it’s not worth worrying about other people’s opinions. 

Abi x 

A year ago today 

 A year ago today was completely different to how I feel today, a year ago today I was in A&E for attempted suicide. I felt there was nothing left to live for and that nothing would ever get better. I wasn’t getting therapy and no one could see what the problem was or why I felt this way. In some respect I don’t know either still today. But this year I’m not better but I’m getting there, I’m open with my family about how I feel and I don’t hold back my emotions. If it wasn’t for my friends, family and boyfriends support I definitely wouldn’t be here today, and it proves life does get better whether you believe it or not. Whether you have been in and out of therapy for 7 years it still gets better. There are so many things in life to remember and be grateful for; you’ve just got to learn to appreciate every moment you’ve got. 

So yay for today the good and the bad and yay for the light at the end of a tunnel. Yay for happiness and yay for sadness and never be afraid to be vulnerable and honest.